Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month: A Gentle Guide

What is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month?

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month is observed every October in the United States to honor babies lost during pregnancy or in infancy and the families who grieve them. It includes miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, termination for medical reasons and the death of a baby after birth. Every one of those losses belongs here.

If you're reading this, October may already feel heavy. Maybe you lost a baby this year, or many years ago, and you're wondering whether you're allowed to mark it. Maybe no one around you knew you were pregnant. You are allowed to grieve your baby, and this month is for you, whether your loss was at six weeks or after birth.

How it started

President Ronald Reagan proclaimed in 1988 that October would be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. The proclamation noted that about a million pregnancies in the United States end each year in miscarriage, stillbirth or the death of a newborn, and it asked communities to recognize the needs of bereaved parents.

When is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day?

October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It falls in the middle of the awareness month and is the day many families set aside to remember their babies by name.

Why this month matters

Pregnancy loss happens in about 10% of confirmed pregnancies, and many more losses happen before a pregnancy is ever confirmed. Stillbirth affects about 1 in 175 births, roughly 21,000 babies in the United States each year.

Even so, these losses often go unspoken. Many happen before anyone else knew about the pregnancy. Others are met with silence because people don't know what to say. When a loss isn't seen by others, the grief can feel like something you're supposed to carry privately.

Grief tends to follow attachment, not weeks of pregnancy. Attachment often begins the moment you start imagining a future with your baby: a name, a due date, a season you pictured them in. That's what was lost, and that's why a loss others may consider "early" can still feel enormous.

What is the Wave of Light?

The Wave of Light takes place on October 15. At 7 p.m. local time, people light a candle and keep it burning for at least an hour. Because it happens at 7 p.m. in each time zone, the candles create a continuous wave of light around the world.

You can light a candle at home, alone or with people you love. Some families share a photo of their candle and their baby's name. Others keep it private. Both are a way of saying your baby was here and is remembered.

The pink and blue ribbon

The pink and blue ribbon is the symbol of pregnancy and infant loss awareness. Some people wear it in October or share it online as a quiet signal to others who have experienced a loss: you're not the only one.

Ways to honor your baby this October

There's no right way to mark this month. These are a few that families often find meaningful.

Say their name

If you named your baby, say their name out loud, write it down or ask the people close to you to use it. If you didn't name your baby, you can still choose a name now. Hearing your baby's name acknowledged by others can feel validating and help make the loss feel more real to the people around you.

Make something

Writing a letter to your baby, painting, planting something or creating a small keepsake can give your grief somewhere to go. It doesn't have to look a certain way. What matters is the process of making it and what it means to you, not how it turns out.

Light a candle on October 15

Joining the Wave of Light connects your private loss to many other families remembering at the same hour. Some people find comfort in knowing they're not alone in that moment.

Let it be a quiet month

Not everyone wants to mark October publicly, and that's okay. Public awareness can be meaningful, and it can also be exhausting when your loss is still raw. You can skip the posts, mute the hashtags and honor your baby in a way only you know about. Choosing privacy doesn't mean you love your baby any less.

When October is harder than you expected

Many people find that grief returns more strongly around certain dates, sometimes before they've noticed the date is coming. This is often called an anniversary reaction. Our minds and bodies hold onto meaningful dates, so a month dedicated to loss can bring feelings back to the surface even years later. That's not a step backward. It's a sign of how much your baby mattered.

It can help to plan for what you'll say when October brings up questions. You might tell a friend, "This month is hard for me because of the baby we lost. I don't need you to fix it, I'd just like you to know." Or you could try "I'd love to talk about my baby this month. Would you be willing to listen?" You get to decide how much you share, and it can change from day to day.

You can be grateful for the people who show up and still feel the absence of the ones who don't. Both are true at the same time.

How to support someone who has experienced a loss

If someone you love has lost a pregnancy or a baby, you don't need perfect words. Saying something is almost always kinder than saying nothing. You might say, "I'm thinking of you and your baby this month." Or you might try "I haven't forgotten your baby. Would you like to tell me about them?"

It's usually best to avoid phrases that try to explain or minimize the loss, like "everything happens for a reason" or "at least it was early." Most grieving parents aren't looking for an explanation. They're looking for someone willing to acknowledge what happened.

Remember partners, too. Non-birthing partners and fathers are often asked how the birthing parent is doing and rarely asked how they are. Their grief is real, and it deserves the same care.

How therapy helps after pregnancy or infant loss

Therapy after a loss isn't about moving on or getting over it. It's a space to grieve your baby without having to explain or shrink the loss, to work through guilt and the search for a cause, and to find ways to carry your baby with you as you move forward.

I've completed advanced training in working with bereaved families, I'm certified in perinatal mental health (PMH-C), EMDR trained and a registered art therapist (ATR). EMDR can help when a loss was frightening or traumatic, because it uses both sides of the brain to process memories that feel stuck. Art therapy offers another way in, for the parts of grief that words alone can't adequately capture. I work with individuals and couples after miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, termination for medical reasons and recurrent loss, whether your loss was recent or many years ago.

My office is in Lee's Summit, and I see clients from across the Kansas City area in person, or virtually anywhere in Missouri or Kansas, where I'm licensed as an LPC and an LCPC. Learn more about my pregnancy and infant loss therapy, or book a free 15-minute consultation to see whether we're a good fit. Your baby mattered, and you don't have to carry this grief alone.